First time I've cried in awhile........

Ian woke up with a fever and crying out that his throat hurt. We've had raging episodes of strep at work and so I was concerned he might have it. We went through craziness trying to figure out a plan for who was staying home with him. I put in for a sub but with it being 7 already- it could easily not be filled. So Jer stayed home until I could find one. We waited and waited (me at school) and still at 11:00, I didn't have anyone. Finally, they pulled a teacher from a reading class and had her fill for me in the afternoon, because Jer had an important mtg at 11:30. So I got home and was finally able to care for my sick child. (one of the most frustrating things about being a working mom) He's currently sleeping upstairs. He already woke up once crying and screaming, "I was just trying to win him!" (referring to his puppy) A dream among the fairgrounds perhaps?

I finally got him to calm down and he went back to sleep.

While he was sleeping, I got a call from my principal. My challenge student that has turned my world upset down the last 3-4 weeks, causing me to seriously consider being a stay-at-home mom and giving daily anxiety, while taking the focus away from all the other kids - is moving.

He had been spouting off about it recently and I had hoped it was another lie. But today,while I was gone, he ran off the playground into another subdivision and picked up a huge piece of glass........within the trip to the office and calls home, it was confirmed that he moved.

My principal told me and I felt such grief. I got off the phone and just cried. When his mood swings (with bi-polar) were leveled at a calm innocent boy- I often almost told him "I love you." the way I would tell my own child. Maybe I should have. He was making progress in my class and each week was becoming more productive. It wasn't easy, and my class made a lot of sacrifices, but now- he's starting all over again, and will test all those boundaries once more. 3 schools in 2 months? Not only does he have his own body against him with 4 diagnoses, but his home environment isn't exactly set up to help him succeed. I worry he will be a Columbine type student. And all he really needs is love and self worth. (and medication). (and a steady home and school). Okay- he needs a lot.

He will go to the next school, and throw chairs, shoes, pencils. He will tell students and teachers that he will k*ill them and he will spout out every awful word or phrase you have ever heard of.

Was the last month of my life with him a waste? I had to spend almost every prep minute of the last month- doing something to prepare for him. I have to believe that something ---some seed---was planted for him. God wouldn't place him on my heart without reason. ?

Another student left this week. A good student from a home of poverty. The kids often came in clothes that were too big or too small. I had some clothes that were given to me for the boys when they got older. I asked him if he was interested in them since they weren't being used. For about a week, I filled his backpack everyday with some clothes for him and his brother. They wore them frequently. I had a connection with him as well, and now he moved (probably 3 schools in 2 years for him). Neither of them were here for a good-bye.

Jer and I often come home with our stories and comment that we are barely making a dent.

I pray that we are.

But today, I feel grief that I have to put him back out there, knowing he's going to fail. I pray God will protect him from himself and his surroundings.

On a dry note.

I did a shower for my friend this weekend. Finally some girl cake decorating!!! Can't wait for Libby's birthdays!