Mourning....

Not when I drink coffee- but mourning, .....grieving, ....loss, .....pain, and heartache.
"Blessed are those who mourn."
This last week went by in a whirlwind. It was a more difficult week to face the challenges in the book. But we all agreed that it really made us take a closer look at mourning and even how to be more prepared for it. Just considering the concept of mourning in general- I often feel inadequate at comforting someone, encouraging them. I, personally, haven't been through tragedy, huge heartache or loss. I've been through some tough times, and I can relate to life phases, but to experience real loss- I haven't. When someone else is going through it- I know that the words that I am saying, our God that I hope in -is real, but I can't help but feel like my phrases hold little weight to them, since I don't really understand what they are going through. I always pray that my words don't feel empty to them and they will sense my genuine care.
So this beatitude-"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." What does that mean? What form of mourning? Mourning over what? I've spent a lot of time researching that- (knowing I was kind of committed to writing something on here about it) and I definitely haven't "come to". (plus - I'm not a great writer about this sort of thing.....) But there is definitely a time and place for it, biblically speaking. Any time we are facing a loss- sometimes the loss of even a future- different from what we imagined......we mourn. Yes, there are different levels of it, and everyone mourns in various ways. Yet my- simplistic childlike view of it is: He comforts us. In Him, we are made whole. Complete. Healed. Does the pain go away instantly? No. It's a process, just like most emotional responses.
When I initially thought of mourning- I thought of my good friend Melissa. I remember being in her apartment and having her little "bachelorette party" before she was going to elope in Vegas with her love......a young soldier that would be coming home for 10 days before returning to war.
(see post: scroll down to "what we went through, part 1") I remember seeing her try on her beautiful white sun dress she had for the ceremony. They eloped and had been married for 3 years, when he got injured in a blast. I remember the phone call from her, telling me what had happened. (sigh) I remember feeling speechless and inadequate then. Yet, I remember seeing them at their 2nd wedding/ceremony after he had his prosthetics, months of rehab and an unbelievable attitude and I was stunned at what God had done in their lives. Now they have 2 beautiful children and are amazing parents, despite the daily challenges they face. Yet, I'm sure they still mourn from time to time. Just as we still mourn the loss of loved ones and memories that we hold dear.
Another challenge in the book was obtaining a copy of "Decembered Grief". Anybody heard of it or read it? I keep aiming to get to the library and check it out- but it has these strange working hours that only someone without a job/kids/crazy life could make it in. (I need all places open at 4:30 am.....) I look forward to reading it and really grasping a better sense of grief and mourning. There were also references to global things happening right now and all the mourning over leaders, Egypt, and past events through history with lasting impacts. I want to grasp a healthy concept of mourning, that I can mourn- without feeling depressed for the next week.....ya know?
Isaiah 61:3
He will provide for those who grieve in Zion, to bestow on them a crown of beauty, instead of ashes; the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.


On the individual life front, it's been a rough week. Not only am I totally burnt out with raising three children and having a full time job, but our middle child has been a challenge lately. Our oldest reintegrated back into his old daycare- mixing up Luke's current reign. But even before that- we've struggled to know how to reach him. Lately- he's been really defiant. Like the "just stare at you and see what's going to happen" move. all.the.time.
and the p o u t i n g. So I've been feeling like a really crappy mom. I tried to get up early Sat. morning and ask if he wanted to come to donuts with just me and we would bring it back for everyone else (trying to give him one-on-one time) But he had a melt down when he saw others were still in their jammies and he had gotten dressed. bust.
parenting is sooooooo hard. Especially when they are young. Especially when time is a factor. I often wish for a simpler life. although I know other things would come up then too. (sigh) I need a retreat in the wilderness with God, and then a week at Disneyland with my family. and then a week in Hawaii with my husband....and then....a week with no commitments at home......and then a week with my girlfriends (I know! It seems like we just had one....).....and then ....maybe I'll feel like I can tackle all this.