life

I'm not sure where to even start with this post. But as I have felt weighed down with emotions lately- I figured it would probably be healthy to get them out. It's August already. Can you believe it? School will start for both boys in about 3 1/2 weeks. and......We.Are.Ready.
Some days it is so great to have so much more time with them, and other days I see why they need constant structure, other kids to interact with and.....more space to be boys. Meeting their needs as well as trying to meet Libby's as a 2 year old, is challenging. She doesn't have someone her age to play with (all the time) and so she either tries to corral into their play or chant phrases over and over to me until she gets what she thinks she wants. She wants to do what they are doing, but isn't always able to. Some days- I think, "It has to get easier than this...." Other days remind me of why I am doing this. We've had an eventful summer, full of play dates, field trips, picnics, parks, swimming, books, crafts, snacks, and SUN......also full of redirecting, discipline, sticker charts, time outs, privileges revoked,vinegar in mouth, a lot of t.a.l.k.s. Hugs, kisses, and exhaustion.
But in several weeks we will have made it through. Made it through another phase, another transition in life, and another milestone. Each day I wake up, and when I'm having my quiet time, I think, this is a new day. It doesn't have to be like yesterday, or it may not be as good as yesterday. Just be available and do your best.
Often my best doesn't seem quite good enough, but it's all I have.

Libby is talking about everything and becoming quite the "2 year old" She can be as sweet as sugar and then turn on her naughtiness in a blink. Luke is growing up and really searching for his role as the middle child. We try so hard to individualize him and give him separate attention. Thank God, his handwriting has finally improved. lol. I was deeply heartbroken by his caveman scratches he produced with his left hand. (libby looks like a lefty as well..)But he is a sweet boy that loves TLC, and loves to be social.
Ian is very bright and enjoys learning. His head is constantly going, questions all.the.time. So then Luke pipes up asking the same question swapping out the noun with something different (usually making no sense, but wanting to be included). THEN Libby gathers the same tone and tries to mimic them and be a big girl by chiming in as well. I daily search for my sanity.

But when I tuck them in at night, (feeling teary eyed as I write this) I know I am doing the right thing. At least I'm worn out by my own kids, and not everyone else's. At least we do have time to make memories and not just rush everywhere. (not that life has slowed down). My world (as anticipated) has turned upside down. I'm adjusting, and we'll get in the groove, but I also mourn the end of a chapter of my life that I loved. And yes, as the fall comes and everyone is getting ready- I miss it. I miss it already. Doesn't mean I regret this decision, but my life is going to be very different now. All I've known as a mom has been balanced by this other world that I maintained. I don't have that world anymore. I pray for other things to maintain that balance.
So- here's to the weekend, to several more weeks of chaos, and then we can settle down to a routine. (not counting on pure bliss- but it must get a little easier, right?)